The Top Ten X-Ray...

The Top Ten X-Ray Punchlines


1.  You want to tell me how that gerbil really got in there?

2.  Of course we can remove the penis.  But first you'll have to unclench your buttocks.

3.  The correct medical terminology for checking your prostate is I'M STICKING THIS FINGER UP YOUR ASS!

4.  According to this...  you're a homo.

5.  You need an emergency addadictomy.

6.  No, you won't need surgery to remove that penis.  Just open your mouth.

7.  Tell me again how you "accidentally" sat on that beer bottle.

8.  It's just as you feared...  you're gutless.

9.  I was wondering where I left my keys.

10.  Well, I'll be damned.  You really ARE a woman trapped inside a man's body.

'Cept The Devil

Ain't nothing out this late, 'cept the devil.

She was like a full-service playground.

Alca-homo's.

Reproduction has choreographed the dance of life.

Happier than Bill Clinton meeting Mississippi trailer trash.

I fucked her so good...  her moma had an orgasm.

I fucked her so good...  her daddy felt it.

I fucked her so good...  her brother wanted to kick my ass, but he didn't know why.

I fucked her so good...  even her sister slept like a baby that night.

You'll take her to the altar, and she'll take you to the cleaners.

Flatso

Fetus don't fail me now.

She took it so deep that m pubes were tickling her nose.

Menage a twat.  Me, her, and her nagging.

She was like a full-service gas station.

The Jeffrey Dahmer.  First I'm gonna fuck you, then I'm gonna eat you.

One way to get around foreplay, is to say:  "I've got to have you NOW!"

People don't believe the truth.  They believe what they want to believe is the truth.

Women are two people.  The one's you date, and the one's you're married to.

"You don't get it."
     "Oh, I get it.  And I give it pretty good, too."

Semi-tough = half a hard-on.

Bragging About...

Bragging about...  is like bragging about getting lucky with your own wife.

Big Louie D & His All Chorizo Band.  House of Chorizo.  The Kielbasa Kid.  Kid Chorizo.  Kid Kielbasa.  King Chorizo.

You talk so much to say so little.

I'll suck on your pussy until your head caves in.

Of course I love you.  Especially that fuzzy little thing you sit on.

"Too bad.  Fuck him."
     I'm sure she meant that in a nice way.

"You know, you remind me of Abraham Lincoln.  He also slept with a lot of men."

"Softball?  Wasn't that your nickname when you worked the jailhouse?"

"You and your family should visit more often.  Well, not so much you."

When a man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man, it's Kill'er Time.  When a man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another woman, it's Miller Time.

A Trilogy Of Two

Give her to Mikey.  He'll eat anything.

The Bars of Christopher Street.

"I'm going to bed.  Care to join me?"
"You bet'cha!"

I hope mankind never destroys the Earth.  Otherwise, I'd have to find a new place to store all my stuff.

Her hoo-hah.

When a couple has a problem, the woman's solution is that the man must change.

Roughing up the suspect.

I looked past her imperfections...  and straight to her 16 year-old daughter.

She's falling apart like the Japanese economy.

Gather Ye Nookie While Ye May.

What Smells Worse...

If you're gonna give it to me, then give it to me.  Don't act as if you're giving away gold.

You suck, and then you swallow.  What's so hard about that?

What's a "straw"?

Chin up.  Both of them.

I'm here to conduct the exorcism, and avail myself of the buffet.

You don't have a learner's permit to be a man.

Like Abraham Lincoln, I, too, have been called The Railsplitter.

As cold as the slit between my ex-wife's legs.

Nothing in the constitution.

VD & the in-laws.