Faster Than...

Faster than the speed of lies.

When my ex-wife dies, I went to the funeral just to make sure she was dead.

She's not a classic beauty.  And by classic, I mean pleasing to the eye.
 
They say you don't have any energy after sex, but the girls I have sex with usually have just enough energy to ask me for money.

I said "Holy Mackeral!"  Only I didn't say "mackeral."

The Man From F.A.G.G.O.T.  (Federal Agency for Global Goodness and Other Things)

The more complicated a story gets, the less true it probably is.

Zombie Elvis:  Instead of kissing the girls in his audience...  he eats their brains!

"Until death do us part."  It begins as a promise, it ends as a goal.

My 1st wife was a trophy wife, but it was for last place.

Being Unappreciative...

It's not that I'm unappreciative.  It's that I show my appreciation by doing what can be misconstrued as being unappreciative.

The itch of the unwritten word.

Genius happens in clusters.

Comforting the enemy of creativity.

Li'l Jimmy Farakan

I was the first white man to perform on Soul Train.  Some say David Bowie was.  I said "man."

Rick Perry, who's not only our Governor, but was a terrific WWE wrestler.  Something that doesn't ever get mentioned.

Everybody looks good from the Hubble Telescope.

Let's face it.  The media deals with stereotypes and profiling.  They'll present you the way you present yourself.  So our image is determined by the image we present.  Men and/or the media don't make up images.  They're too lazy, and lack imagination to do that.

A hand-up is better than a hand-out...  but nothing beats a hand-job.

     theabcsofsex.blogspot.com

Sky Grifters...

Too broke for God.

This is a subject so sensitive I don't know if I can find the humor in it, just as you--my loyal reader--are hard-pressed to find the humor in this blog.

Goofus & Gallant

What do you call Kermit and Miss Piggy's children?
     Hybrid monster babies
     Frog-pig babies
     Miss Piggy get an abortion
     Don't drag the kids into it

The Help.  Alternate title:  White People Bad.  Black People Good.
                                            Thank God For Whitey

Dylan expresses in one sentence what some take a whole book to explain.

We need to rise up like those monkeys in those Planet of the Apes movies.

I'm gonna punch you like the punching-bag shape you're like.

Putting on a Superman costume or putting a towel around your neck and pretending you're a superhero doesn't mean you can fly.

That's as old as the dirt you're walking on.


The ABC's of S-E-X  @
     theabcsofsex.blogspot.com
          jimduchene.blogspot.com