Ten Things A Woman Says Before Or After Sex
1. You do bathe, don't you?
2. What's white and twelve inches? Not you!
3. How did I find you in the dark? It wasn't hard.
4. Don't worry. Size doesn't matter. Now if you only had some size.
5. That was the best four seconds of my life.
6. No, really. I don't mind you having you having your orgasm before you're done with the first stroke.
7. No, my favorite part was not when you imitated Curly from The Three Stooges.
8. The reason I like to fantasize is because I like to pretend you're a man.
9. I don't care if it's shape makes it fit naturally in my mouth.
10. Okay, I'm ready to start. What do you mean you're done?
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Snoregasm
I don't know what happened. Things were going great until she caught me stirring her drink with my dick.
"It's only money. It's not worth getting killed over."
Happier'n Charlie Sheen meeting Tennessee trailer trash.
The Joy of Flesh.
Dick you down proper.
Strickly dickly.
If dogs sweat through their tongues, then what are their armpits for?
Why do men fall asleep after sex? So they don't have to talk to their wives afterward.
I'd like to crrack her like a safe.
Blood relations are the only women you shouldn't be having sex with.
I believe that people with problems are put on this Earth for my amusement.
"It's only money. It's not worth getting killed over."
Happier'n Charlie Sheen meeting Tennessee trailer trash.
The Joy of Flesh.
Dick you down proper.
Strickly dickly.
If dogs sweat through their tongues, then what are their armpits for?
Why do men fall asleep after sex? So they don't have to talk to their wives afterward.
I'd like to crrack her like a safe.
Blood relations are the only women you shouldn't be having sex with.
I believe that people with problems are put on this Earth for my amusement.
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Top Ten X-Ray...
The Top Ten X-Ray Punchlines
1. You want to tell me how that gerbil really got in there?
2. Of course we can remove the penis. But first you'll have to unclench your buttocks.
3. The correct medical terminology for checking your prostate is I'M STICKING THIS FINGER UP YOUR ASS!
4. According to this... you're a homo.
5. You need an emergency addadictomy.
6. No, you won't need surgery to remove that penis. Just open your mouth.
7. Tell me again how you "accidentally" sat on that beer bottle.
8. It's just as you feared... you're gutless.
9. I was wondering where I left my keys.
10. Well, I'll be damned. You really ARE a woman trapped inside a man's body.
1. You want to tell me how that gerbil really got in there?
2. Of course we can remove the penis. But first you'll have to unclench your buttocks.
3. The correct medical terminology for checking your prostate is I'M STICKING THIS FINGER UP YOUR ASS!
4. According to this... you're a homo.
5. You need an emergency addadictomy.
6. No, you won't need surgery to remove that penis. Just open your mouth.
7. Tell me again how you "accidentally" sat on that beer bottle.
8. It's just as you feared... you're gutless.
9. I was wondering where I left my keys.
10. Well, I'll be damned. You really ARE a woman trapped inside a man's body.
Friday, March 16, 2012
'Cept The Devil
Ain't nothing out this late, 'cept the devil.
She was like a full-service playground.
Alca-homo's.
Reproduction has choreographed the dance of life.
Happier than Bill Clinton meeting Mississippi trailer trash.
I fucked her so good... her moma had an orgasm.
I fucked her so good... her daddy felt it.
I fucked her so good... her brother wanted to kick my ass, but he didn't know why.
I fucked her so good... even her sister slept like a baby that night.
You'll take her to the altar, and she'll take you to the cleaners.
She was like a full-service playground.
Alca-homo's.
Reproduction has choreographed the dance of life.
Happier than Bill Clinton meeting Mississippi trailer trash.
I fucked her so good... her moma had an orgasm.
I fucked her so good... her daddy felt it.
I fucked her so good... her brother wanted to kick my ass, but he didn't know why.
I fucked her so good... even her sister slept like a baby that night.
You'll take her to the altar, and she'll take you to the cleaners.
Flatso
Fetus don't fail me now.
She took it so deep that m pubes were tickling her nose.
Menage a twat. Me, her, and her nagging.
She was like a full-service gas station.
The Jeffrey Dahmer. First I'm gonna fuck you, then I'm gonna eat you.
One way to get around foreplay, is to say: "I've got to have you NOW!"
People don't believe the truth. They believe what they want to believe is the truth.
Women are two people. The one's you date, and the one's you're married to.
"You don't get it."
"Oh, I get it. And I give it pretty good, too."
Semi-tough = half a hard-on.
She took it so deep that m pubes were tickling her nose.
Menage a twat. Me, her, and her nagging.
She was like a full-service gas station.
The Jeffrey Dahmer. First I'm gonna fuck you, then I'm gonna eat you.
One way to get around foreplay, is to say: "I've got to have you NOW!"
People don't believe the truth. They believe what they want to believe is the truth.
Women are two people. The one's you date, and the one's you're married to.
"You don't get it."
"Oh, I get it. And I give it pretty good, too."
Semi-tough = half a hard-on.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Bragging About...
Bragging about... is like bragging about getting lucky with your own wife.
Big Louie D & His All Chorizo Band. House of Chorizo. The Kielbasa Kid. Kid Chorizo. Kid Kielbasa. King Chorizo.
You talk so much to say so little.
I'll suck on your pussy until your head caves in.
Of course I love you. Especially that fuzzy little thing you sit on.
"Too bad. Fuck him."
I'm sure she meant that in a nice way.
"You know, you remind me of Abraham Lincoln. He also slept with a lot of men."
"Softball? Wasn't that your nickname when you worked the jailhouse?"
"You and your family should visit more often. Well, not so much you."
When a man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man, it's Kill'er Time. When a man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another woman, it's Miller Time.
Big Louie D & His All Chorizo Band. House of Chorizo. The Kielbasa Kid. Kid Chorizo. Kid Kielbasa. King Chorizo.
You talk so much to say so little.
I'll suck on your pussy until your head caves in.
Of course I love you. Especially that fuzzy little thing you sit on.
"Too bad. Fuck him."
I'm sure she meant that in a nice way.
"You know, you remind me of Abraham Lincoln. He also slept with a lot of men."
"Softball? Wasn't that your nickname when you worked the jailhouse?"
"You and your family should visit more often. Well, not so much you."
When a man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man, it's Kill'er Time. When a man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another woman, it's Miller Time.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
A Trilogy Of Two
Give her to Mikey. He'll eat anything.
The Bars of Christopher Street.
"I'm going to bed. Care to join me?"
"You bet'cha!"
I hope mankind never destroys the Earth. Otherwise, I'd have to find a new place to store all my stuff.
Her hoo-hah.
When a couple has a problem, the woman's solution is that the man must change.
Roughing up the suspect.
I looked past her imperfections... and straight to her 16 year-old daughter.
She's falling apart like the Japanese economy.
Gather Ye Nookie While Ye May.
The Bars of Christopher Street.
"I'm going to bed. Care to join me?"
"You bet'cha!"
I hope mankind never destroys the Earth. Otherwise, I'd have to find a new place to store all my stuff.
Her hoo-hah.
When a couple has a problem, the woman's solution is that the man must change.
Roughing up the suspect.
I looked past her imperfections... and straight to her 16 year-old daughter.
She's falling apart like the Japanese economy.
Gather Ye Nookie While Ye May.
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